Ages and Stages

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Working with Teens: Accepting Responsibility

Teaching young people that they are responsible for their behavior and the effects they create for others is a challenge. However by doing so, adults can also support teen’s efforts to make their own decisions and the consequences for those choices. During the teen years determining the consequences of any course of action is not a natural ability, but with your assistance, this acquired thinking skill will contribute positively to the teen’s growth and development. There are natural and logical consequences to any behavior that you as a teacher, parent or volunteer can point out to teens making choices.

• Natural consequence:If a teen refuses to eat his dinner because he doesn’t like the selection and there’s nothing else to eat, he will go hungry for the night.
• Logical consequence:If a teen does not put oil in her car, after a certain amount of time, the engine stops running.

• Role of the Adult Volunteers:As we work with teens in a volunteer capacity, it is useful to remember your role is that of a teacher or mentor rather than a boss.
• Reward Positive Behaviors:Reinforce positive behaviors through encouraging words and friendly facial expressions. When you see something admirable that the teen does, let the teen and his or her peers know. Give the teen a choice and accept the decision, pointing out other effects they may not have considered
• Frame Inappropriate Behavior as Learning Experiences:If a teen makes a poor choice, decision, or behaves inappropriately, admit that all of us do. Don’t make the teen feel incompetent or foolish, especially in front of peers.
• Persuade Rather Than Force:
Messages of anger, warnings, threats and constant reminders from an adult can interfere with a young person’s self-confidence and independence as well as their comprehension of consequences. Try to remain personally uninvolved and matter-of-fact when pointing out the possible consequences of a poor decision. By viewing misbehavior objectively rather than as a personal attack, you can maintain patience and treat misbehavior as a learning experience rather than a violation of authority.
• Be Firm in Following Through: Enforce any consequences, especially safety concerns, that you might need to with a teen, but do so in a kind and patient manner. It takes time for some teens to make a habit of thinking ahead to anticipating natural and logical consequences, as in many cases a teenager’s brain has not developed to the point where they can determine cause and effect, but instead acts impulsively. (See teen brain research)
• Listen Before Criticizing: Be open to hearing the teen’s reasoning process.
• Establish Positive Groundrules: Consider collaboratively setting groundrules for how you and your teen group members will work together. These operating principles can be derived by the group members, including such core concepts as:
  • Communicate with an attitude of respect, acceptance and good will.
  • Inquire of the other’s point of view, before assigning blame.
  • If you can’t fulfill what you promised to do, let your group leader know.
  • Start and end meetings on time.